Baby Bird Found?

Hello all!

I’m back, after a hiatus. The summer days are almost over, my autoimmune disease is relatively under control and I have some amazing news! Can you guess from the photo and title of this post what it might be?

A while back, I decided I’d had enough of the dithering. Name of my biological mother in hand and an idea of the community where she might live, I found two possible addresses that could be her. My daughter and I bought two blank note cards and in each, I put a short note saying I was adopted and looking for genealogical information about my biological family. I put in an email address where I could be reached and thanked both recipients for their help in advance.

When they were ready, my daughter and I walked down to the post office to mail them. Once we got there, we turned around to go home, as I realized I was no nervous I’d forgotten them on the table. Another walk to the post office, and they were in the mail.


A few weeks went by, no response.  I was feeling a mixture of anxiety mixed with rejection. I took it as an indication that I had been right all along. No mother could love or want a child conceived in the circumstances I was. I was sad, but it was about what I’d expected.


Then it happened. I was having coffee and getting ready to start work for the day when I got an email form an address I didn’t recognize. I opened it and started to read.


By the time I finished the first line, I knew I had a half sister. She sent me a long letter and told me that our biological mother had gotten my note and I would hear from her soon. I can’t say how I felt at that moment, as I really can’t explain it.


A few days later, I got another email. It was from my biological mother! She wrote me a long letter and told me about herself, a bit bout her family,  details about her pregnancy and why she chose to give me up. She didn’t know I already knew about my genetic background, and not wanting to overwhelm her, I didn’t tell her I what the DNA testing I’d had done had revealed.


Over the summer, I have learned more about her through her emails. I also have a half brother, and it’s been interesting to see the similarities between my biological family and I. She told me how she hadn’t really realized she was pregnant, but her school nurse did. Once her family found out, she was promptly sent to a maternity home. After I was born, she was allowed to care for me for a couple of days in the hospital before she had to go home, and the last she ever heard about me was when I was four months old and she had to go to court for the final adoption hearing.



She said she had never stopped thinking about me, and had spent many hours wondering where I was, how I was doing, what I look like and if I was happy. She’d even tried to find me, but had no luck. 


I didn’t want to ask about my biological father, but I figured she had to know the question was coming, so I asked as gently as I could.


I know now. She was abused by a brother. My father is also my uncle. There is no doubt about where I came from. I also know my biological mother loved me, and that is huge.


More about this is my next post.



2 thoughts on “Baby Bird Found?

    1. Thank you for the comment and support.
      To be honest, I’ve found sorting through all of this to be a bit difficult. There is lots of really good and appropriate support for adoptees, and some people have been kind enough to point me in the direction of groups that were specific to people in my situation.

      I can only speak to my own experiences, but it’s hard to relate to the reunion stories where a birth father is reunited with a child he may have never have known he had. That’s wonderful, and while stories like that put a smile on my face. I’m not going to get that experience, and that’s okay.

      I guess it’s more akin to grieving the loss of who and what I thought I was.

      What I really hope is that we, as a society, can start openly talking about issues like sexual abuse in families. That people like me won’t have to hide who we are are feel ashamed, that my biological mother, and the women and men like her who have been abused will be able to hold their head up high.

      Like

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