Reaching Out

A letter to my biological mother

I am not sure if I will ever have a chance to meet my biological mother. If I do, I would love to be able to tell her that , out of her awful experiences, there was some good.

My biological father? I would prefer to say nothing, but I crafted a letter anyway.


Dear E., This is a letter written to you from the baby girl you gave up long ago. I don’t know if you thought you’d ever hear from me again, but here I am.

I’m not really sure what to say to you. Needless to say, the true story of how I came to be is very different than what I was told. The information that was given to my adoptive parents about you and my biological father are more like a daydream than the reality. As painful as it may have been to hear, I wish I had known the truth.

I understand that you went through a very tough time, and I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. If I could take away your pain, I would. Unfortunately, that is beyond my ability, but perhaps knowing that the seeds you sowed when you made the decision to give me life have borne some amazing fruit will be he healing to you.

You have some wonderful grandchildren, and they are all doing some pretty amazing things. One is in law school, one is in an honour undergraduate science program and my son is still is high school and is considered to be intellectually gifted. They do all have heath problems and two have developmental issues, but that hasn’t stopped them or even slowed them down. What they can’t overcome, they go around. You can feel pride that a piece of you will go on and make the world a better place.

I’m not sure about how you feel about me. Part of me wonders if you hate me. If you think of me, does all the pain of what you went through come back? I hope not. I would like to know the truth, and you don’t have to protect me. I’m a tough old bird. This said, I understand if you don’t want to revisit that time in your life.

If you would like to get to know us, I’d be very happy with that. I’m not looking for a “mom” or “dad”, as I already have those and I love them both very much. Perhaps, we could be friends. If communicating with me just brings back bad memorizes and you would prefer to be left alone, I understand.

If you would like to stay in touch and maybe slowly build a relationship, I’d like that.It’s up to you, and you can drive the process as you wish.

J.

To my biological father


Hello,

I’m not sure what to say to you. On one hand, you put my biological mother through a horrible experience, but on the other hand, at least four people wouldn’t be here if not for your actions. How do I reconcile that? The truth is, I can’t.


I do want you to know that your actions are still causing damage all these years later. To have done what you did though, I don’t think you care. I can’t speak to what this has been like for my biological mother, but I will describe what it’s been like for me and my children.

When my mom and dad adopted me, they were given my redacted birth certificate and some information about my “birth parents”. Most of it was a lie, but I guess the truth would have been too nasty. I would have preferred knowing nothing to knowing lies.

Thanks to those lies, my health has suffered. If I had known the truth, I might have known to be on the lookout for genetic diseases, but protecting YOU and your reputation was more important, I guess.

I’m not a religious person, but I believe that one day, you will have to face what you have done. Please don’t come to me seeking absolution. It is not mine to give.